23 Things I Learned This Year

By Reba

Reba_23 things.png

 

Divorcing after 23 years of marriage was never my plan in life. No one plans for failure. Sometimes failure is the only option. From my failure there were lessons to be learned and strangely enough laughs to be had. I never dreamed I would find so much humor and wisdom all at the same time.

1. Divorce under the most peaceful of circumstances is still a roller coaster of emotions. Every single day. Sometimes several emotions at the same time during the same day.

2. If you lose friends during the divorce they were not your true friends in the first place. You cannot lose what you never had.

3. Getting mail addressed to the “______ family” will always be a gut wrenching experience. Not sure how to let junk mail know that we are divorced.

4. It is easier to get a divorce from a spouse than get your cell phone bill separated. Cell phone companies are firm believers in “Family Plans.”

5. Christmas card season is super awkward. Cudos to my friend on Starlight Point for winning this award. She must have read a helpful article on this one. When I received her family Christmas card I didn’t feel like I wasn’t part of a family anymore.

7. You will fight over things you never imagined were important. ie WalGreens points and Brookshire’s points for gas (When Super 1 took over this ended the race to gas station for points).

8. You will be lonely at times. Extremely lonely. But you will survive.

9. Your children will be sad. They will be angry. No matter how good you are getting along with your ex-spouse they will not be at peace with the divorce decision. Patience and honesty is key here.

10. There are so many kind people in this world and our community. Let them help you. It’s okay to need others. Reach out.

11. Always put your children first. Even when they don’t want you to. Focus on your children. They act like they don’t want the extra attention but they need reassurance that they will be okay and they are loved.

12. Bitterness is better left behind. The main loser in a bitterness battle is yourself. The people closest to you will suffer too if you do not get this in check. No one wants to hear the bitter version more than once or twice.

13. If you shared children with your ex-spouse they will forever be in your lives. Make the most of it. The kids will cherish and appreciate this one day.

14. The first time you have to sign school documents listing two separate addresses for parents will leave you feeling like a failure as an adult. I haven’t even crossed the bridge of taking back my maiden name yet. Two addresses. Two Names. #fixitJesus

15. Everyone has a opinion on how and where your marriage went wrong. The only opinion that matters is the truth.

16. Broken people attract broken people. There will no shortage of people who love attending pity parties. A true friend will attend two maybe three pity parties and then refuse to allow them and attend them.

17. Change is so hard. I’ve been through so many changes this year I’m actually looking for more ways to change. Go big or go home.

18. You might drink too much. You might eat too much.

19. Alcohol and Country Music are depressants. Stay away from both. Especially both at the same time. However, Taylor Swift Essentials Play List on Apple Music is so therapeutic.

20. Not everyone loses weight during a divorce. This one made me sad. I was looking forward to this but it didn’t happen.

21. Reminder- you will be lonely. This bears repeating. Lonely will not kill you. Divorce hurts and you have to feel every bit of it to heal properly.

22. I’ve learned and made peace with the fact I am not perfect on any level. Being imperfect builds character. Or so, I keep telling myself.

23. You absolutely unequivocally cannot make it through a life changing event without your faith. I’ve heard so many people criticize others for “finding Jesus in critical times”….this is what you are supposed to do. Our God is a patient and forgiving God who will give you peace during the storms.

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.

 

13 thoughts on “23 Things I Learned This Year

  1. Beautifully written Reba. I love your honesty. I am not going through divorce, but we have been through a major family health trauma this year. Though some things don’t apply, but many do. You certainly find out who your real friends are, what’s important, and what is not. Hugs to your amazing family, neighbor! Libby

  2. Children in divorce never feel special after a divorced parent gets married again. Someone else is getting all the attention.

  3. As I read your article, it hit home for me. I related to this content. I was married 35 years. Even though it should have been over years ago. I changed my name. It felt so good.

  4. Folks out here who have walked through that valley of tears will be reminded by your message of all they have gone through and survived….most of us were strengthened in our faith because of it. We were both married 23 years to our previous spouses when divorce struck….for me, after eight years of climbing out of that abyss, we met at work and eventually fell in love. WE are now married 23 years….and yes, now, we can finally laugh at the 23 year ditch that brought us together! Love you, Reba, and thank you for the reminder! xxoo

    • Thank you Mrs. Marilyn you have helped me tremendously this past year. Your friendship is a blessing.

  5. My God…..(respectfully). I had to take a moment to process this. Reba, your writing is so powerful! I always say, nothing is wasted in God’s economy. Love to you and your girls! Joy comes in the morning.

  6. So true and well put! I might add that there are others out there who have been where you are and can help you through this time (season) in your life. Also…though it doesn’t seem possible now…if you allow Him to God will bless you beyond measure on the other side! (As He did me!) ✝️

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