By Reba Phelps

Every time I receive a friend request on Facebook I always check to see if we have mutual friends. The more mutual friends we have, the bigger the chance is that I may know them. I am super skeptical if we only have one or two mutual friends. Chances are you may possibly be in stranger danger if we have zero mutual friends.

Sometimes I even love to pause and notice how many mutual friends that my “true” friends and I have. The higher that the friend count is, you can just about guarantee that they have lived in the same town as you for a while, went to school together or maybe even worked in the same industry to know so many of the same people. One particular Facebook friend and I have actually have over eleven hundred mutual friends. That number always blows my mind!

After years of unofficially studying the science of social media, I began to observe some of the less friendly sides of Facebook.

Sometimes people will remove you as a friend when they no longer work with you or go to church with you. During the most recent Presidential Election there was a constant threat from a red or blue friend to remove the other red or blue friend who may have voted for the candidate that they have disdain for. There are no winners in the constant political debates online, I try to scroll over these arguments in a quick, fast hurry.

One of the most common that I have been victim to on more than one occasion is being deleted as a friend because they had a disagreement with someone that I am close to. I affectionately call this a “Mutual Foe”. When someone wrongs us it is human nature to want to retaliate and recruit people to be take our side in the matter. It is easier to be mad at someone when you are supported by your closest allies. Sometimes we have foes for no reason at all other than we inherited them from a friend.

Have I personally removed a Facebook friend that has wronged a good friend of mine or my daughters? Guilty as charged. Have I ever had a disagreement with someone and found peace in reliving the story in an effort to recruit people to agree with me? More times than I am comfortable admitting to. I am so grateful that I have a relationship with the Holy Spirit who constantly reminds me that if someone has wronged me, I need to lay it at the feet of Jesus.

It is funny, and sometimes not funny, how scripture pours through my mind when I am trying to decide whether to turn the other cheek or burn a bridge. Sometimes my cheeks are simply too heavy to turn. But, over the years I have learned that God will change our own hearts towards forgiveness before he changes the heart of others. God’s word will never return to him void, especially when we trust him to deal with all areas of our lives, even our Mutual Foes.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God has forgiven you.”
Ephesians 4:32

Reba Phelps jreba.phelps@gmail.com