The Emperor’s New Genderless Bathrooms

By Edwin Crayton

EmperorNewBaths
Once upon a time there lived an emperor so exceeding fond of new things that he promoted new ideas with a relish, especially those of the politically correct variety. The emperor was quite popular and so he knew that his ideas would receive widespread support throughout the kingdom. Because he spoke eloquently, he had the rare ability to promote his concepts with much success.

One day, a tribe called the LGBT Tribe began to promote the concept of allowing men who identified themselves as women to enter the women’s room. And likewise, the tribe of LGBT women who identify themselves as men also wished to use whatever bathroom they desired. The emperor, intrigued, agreed with them as he often did with many new-fangled notions.

However, the emperor knew that most people don’t think it’s natural or safe to allow men in the women’s room. He was intrigued with the LGBT Tribe but he and the tribe realized they would have to reach the citizens when they were still young children so that they would grow up to believe genderless bathrooms were normal. So one day the emperor pro- claimed that all school restrooms should be “transgender restrooms”. It had a nice ring he thought and hey, it was new and so since he liked just about everything new, naturally he went with it.

Throughout the land, the adults discussed it in hushed, nervous, uncomfortable tones. You see, no one wanted to speak out loud because in the kingdom you could be called backwards or a bigot if you had an opinion different from what was new. So almost everyone convinced themselves it would be alright to go along with the program and not rock the royal boat, so to speak.

It seemed the King’s proposal was a shoe in to become a law for the entire land. The proud king even had a grand parade to show off a model of his new genderless bathroom. He had the bathroom model perched on a giant royal float. And then, one little boy shouted, “Mommy I have to use the boy’s room?” Mommy said, “Hush! There will be no more boy’s room, son!” The boy cried all the more, “Mommy, how can I go to the boy’s room if there is no boy’s room? Mommy thought about it and so did many in the crowd along the parade route. People began to grumble. One man asked, “But isn’t the little boy right? What’s wrong with the way bathrooms are now and have been for centuries? Everyone and anyone can go to the bathroom now, right? Why is this change needed?” A woman shouted, “What about my little girl? How can girls or women safely know for sure that some rapist or nut case isn’t lurking in there taking advantage of this situation?! The crowd became louder and louder. “It’s not safe” someone shouted.

But someone else screamed, “Bigots!” A young woman replied, “We are not bigots. We don’t hate anyone; we just don’t think this all makes any sense.” A businessman shouted, “I don’t agree with it either, but we need the business from the LGBT tribe—-they spend lots—-think of my profits. Let’s go with the no gender bathrooms.”
Another businessman said, “I disagree. The public should decide. Why not at least vote on this?!” Someone else shouted, “We need to pray for our country and pray for an answer to this!”

The noise became louder and louder as people debated it pro and con. Someone shouted, “Let’s go write our congressmen and congresswomen!” The roar of approval for that idea was so loud, the earth shook and all the gender signs fell off the bathroom model the king had propped up on his royal float. Underneath the sign was the old sign saying “Boy’s Room.” “Mommy,” the little boy shouted, smiling happily, “Look mom! It says boys room! Now I can use the boy’s room!” There was a great happy cheer and they all lived happily ever after—-well, until the next bizarre idea came out of Washington and Hollywood. The end—for now.

Note: Recently, President Obama and some federal agencies came out in favor of genderless bathrooms. Schools were threatened that if they did not comply, funds could be withheld. How this real life tale will play out depends on public reaction. Re-printed from The Real Views

2 thoughts on “The Emperor’s New Genderless Bathrooms

  1. Where are our congressmen? This edict from the ’emperor’ is un-American, is not Christian, and is inhuman. Yet, our President’s crude and unrefined behavior continues to go unchecked. Statistically those choosing to be identified as ‘transgender’ are far outnumbered by those being identified by their natural gender, but the emperor chooses to ignore humanity and attempt to create new law in support of this minority. Is there no limit to his vulgarity?

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