I think that if aliens from outer space were studying our television commercials they would come to a few well-reasoned conclusions.

First, that our diet consists of beer, whiskey and fast food.
That almost all of our money is spent on automobiles, insurance and small electronic devices.

That the occupation of most people is that of trial lawyer and that those lawyers are constantly increasing the wealth of the rest of the population by gaining them hundreds of thousands of dollars for injuries which are never in evidence.
That those lawyers are needed, though, because of the way we drive our automobiles on public streets.

That we suffer frequent but small outbreaks of zombie apocalypses, though we shouldn’t worry about that. Zombie Apocalypse? Covered!

Almost all of the commercials about eating and drinking are pushing fast foods such as hamburgers and tacos. Lots of separate beer and whiskey commercials are eager to provide us something with which to wash down our giant burgers. Only occasionally do we eat fine meals at fine restaurants, the aliens must conclude.

And have you noticed how cars are driven during the commercials for them? Roaring along through city streets or country roads, sometimes singly and sometimes in groups, like predators out for prey. Screaming and drifting around fast curves. Yes, that’s the way everyone must drive, our aliens would think.

So that’s why we need so many lawyers, to handle the terrible wrecks that inevitably ensue from such mayhem on the roads. No doubt, though, our society must have a high income average because so many of us take home $200,000, $500,000 or more from our accident cases in court.

Our medicine must be spectacular also, because none of these people who experienced such expensive injuries ever show a scar or need a crutch to hobble on.
And speaking of medicine, I almost forgot. The aliens would conclude that our prescription meds make us feel better but are probably killing most of us off with their dangerous side effects. Notice how the explanation of the side effects takes longer than the pharmaceutical spiel to get our doctors to prescribe the stuff for us?

Whatever money we don’t spend on cars, hamburgers and medicine, is spent on insurance. We all want to have everything we own insured and under warranty, otherwise we’re plagued by geckos, people hiding in our closets and the aforementioned Zombie outbreaks.

What a society we must live in. But, hey, the precarious state of our life here on earth is probably what is preventing those aliens from invading us. So, hopefully, they will continue to fear our zombies and our dangerous highways and stay out of our solar system.

And that’s a good thing, right?

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