Mary’s been talking lately about how we need to eat healthily, how we need to change our diet. And she’s absolutely right, of course.

She’s been reading up on the subject, too, and comes armed to our discussions on food with proclamations such as bread is bad, tomatoes are bad but eggs are good. It’s all in the latest research by respected doctors, she said.

Again, I’m sure she’s absolutely right. I can’t disagree with her, first of all because I never read up on what’s healthy to eat and second of all because I believe she knows what she’s talking about.

But I am a very poor subject for Mary to tackle in her desire for more healthy cuisine.

If you wanted to know what I like to eat you could find an online site on what not to eat. That would be my diet.

If I had a dollar for every hamburger I’ve eaten in my life, I could probably own a 1934 Duesenberg. (Well, maybe not really, because a Duesey from the 1930s generally costs around $1 million. But you get the idea.) Same thing goes for chocolate candy bars. I’ve been gobbling them since I was old enough to hold one and stuff it into my mouth.

Bulletin! Mary was just looking over my shoulder as I write this and she said her research shows that “actually, chocolate is good for you.” Well, that’s a good thing, right? But what about all that sugar in those delicious chocolate bars? I know sugar is supposed to be on the no-no list.

I’m actually worried about eating too much sugar. Both my mother and my oldest sister developed diabetes and Mother lost her eyesight because of the disease. That would be devastating for me, as much as I like to read.

And my last blood sugar test indicated I was on a borderline situation, so I really need to cut down on sugar.

But, the challenging thing is, not only is sugar bad, but carbohydrates are also because they turn into sugar. So, pasta, bread and all the other good tasting carbs could do me great harm, if I’m not careful.

When Mary told me how the docs in the know preach that bread is bad, my comeback was, “Well, bread has been the staff of life for humans ever since we learned to plant crops about 8,000 or so years ago. So how could it be bad?”

I guess the answer is, us humans have never really learned to eat healthily. And that’s a real bummer is there ever was one.

About once or twice a month I like to have a couple of beers with supper (as I still call what most folks call dinner) when we go out to eat. Of course beer is bad because it not only adds to my beer belly, but it’s made up of grains and we know what grains can do.

The doctors also say, and rightly so, that we should not eat late at night. Well, I’m a late night reader and about midnight, I have to make that trek to the refrigerator and the result could be anything from a couple of ham sandwiches to a bowl of ice cream. Not good, I know.

But what’s a famished guy to do? If Mary starts cooking healthy meals, I suppose I’ll have to eat them. Either that or tell her that “Dear, I’m not really that hungry right now” and later make a sneak run to the nearest fast food hamburger place.