I have tinnitus.

That is a fancy word that means I hear ringing or humming in my head. There is no sound being made but I still “hear” the sounds.

It doesn’t bother me much. I notice it when the television is off and I’m trying to fall asleep. The other time it pipes up is when the house is quiet or I am reading. I think of it as my own white noise generator. There are moments that the ringing grows louder and I have a tough time hearing. Most of the time, the tinnitus is only mildly annoying. I know that is not the case for others who suffer with this condition.

Last weekend we were in Texas at the in-laws. That is our family reunion time with that side of the family. How to describe this gathering? We ranged in age from four months to eighty-six years. We were divided three ways on religion from conservative Evangelical to Pentecostal to no religion at all. We were divided almost equally Democrat and Republican. There were two attorneys, two engineers, a preacher, a banker, several retired folks, a bunch of teachers and a stripper. My bride’s family is very large and very loud. She is one of six children. Add grandchildren who married providing great grandchildren and you get the idea.

I spent some quality time alone on the porch. When there are thirty people in a house, finding solitude is a challenge. It is also blessed relief when you find a place to be alone with your thoughts. I was not being anti-social, but for you Myers-Briggs fans, I am an introvert. That means I charge my batteries by being alone. I would sit for a while alone and then re-enter the family fray. For the most part it was peaceful.

It got rowdy when the game of chicken-foot broke out.

The whole weekend I was bothered by a ticking clock. Everywhere I went I could hear the clock ticking. It was in the family room, although very hard to hear with all that noise. The ticking was outside when I was sitting on the porch. I heard ticking when I went to bed.

As I write this I still hear ticking.

I am amused; my tinnitus has developed another sound. I hear ticking but there is no clock. The sound comes from my brain. I hope that sitting in silence for a couple of days will clear it up. I blame it on all the noise my LOUD in-laws were making.

Hearing ticking in your head reminds you that time is ticking onward. Or you might say that time is running out, depending on your age and health. It is a sound that my brain will learn to filter out, since my brain is causing it in the first place.

Right now I receive the new sound as a gift from God. I can be reminded to make each second count. I can be reminded that if I’m going to be involved transforming lives for Christ, there is not an infinite amount of time. With every conversation and every interaction I have a choice to make about how I respond and how I model Christ for others. You New Testament scholars will recognize that as the difference between kairos ticking and chronos ticking.

I don’t control time. Each tick comes as a gift.

My new internal sound reminds me that my earthly time is not infinite….tick, tick, tick.

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