They Don’t Make Movies Like they Used To — Darn It

By Joe Darby

We haven’t been to the movies in a long time.

I’d like to see what the new, refurbished lobby looks like at our dear local movie theater. But I’m not going to sit through either a kid’s show, a horror flick or the latest Super Hero Blockbuster from Hollywood just to see a nice new lobby.

An afternoon or evening at the cinema had been a staple of entertainment for Mary and me for a long time. I like the whole ritual of it. We enter the movie lobby, smell the delicious aroma of freshly-made popcorn, buy our tickets, get our snacks, including some of that delicious popcorn, and make our way down the hall to the theater showing our feature.

If we haven’t arrived early and they’re already showing the previews of coming attractions, we have to grope our way in the dark and find a seat. I’ve never mistakenly sat on someone else yet, but knowing me, it could happen. Anyway, we settle in, I eat my delicious popcorn, washed down by a cold drink, and enjoy the movie. At least the great majority of the time I enjoy the movie.

But Hollywood hasn’t been producing much lately that would give me enjoyment. The Mega Blockbusters just don’t appeal to me. They’re all so cartoonish, with the way they blow up buildings, people leap from one building to another and — get this — I once saw a scene in which a guy shot at a car with a Colt .45 pistol just like mine and the car flipped over and exploded. Now the Colt .45 is one heck of a handgun, but it’s not going to make a car overturn and blow up. But I digress.

Horror movies. I might have enjoyed that genre many years ago, but not so much any more. And, as for Mary, forget it. She never did like to watch crazed killers jumping out of closets and slashing teenagers to death.

Kid shows. Some of them are okay. We just have to pick and choose among them. Some of them are just too, well, let’s say, pre-school for this old geezer. But we are kind of looking forward to Toy Story 4, which is supposed to be coming here soon.. We’ll give that one a shot.

Even today’s so called romantic comedies fall a little short for me. I am no prude. I think risqué scenes have their place and can be quite fun. But much of the humor in today’s comedies is really gross and would appeal more for fifth grade boys than to yours truly.

So, what do we like? History movies, great dramas about historic personages used to be a Hollywood standard, but you see few of them these days, although I did watch Mary Queen of Scots on Netflix recently.

Let’s see, what else. A good, human, family drama/comedy, with a happy ending, in which all the conflicts have been resolved — that’s always nice to see. Oh, and we really enjoy those sports movies in which the underdog team or individual pulls a great upset at the end, to win the championship. But even those are getting fewer.

So, our ritual of movie-going is becoming a rare thing. But we won’t give up hope. Surely, at some point, the movie-going public will get tired of Super Heroes and maniac killers. Won’t they?