If You Give a Girl a Margarita

By Reba Phelps

One of my favorite books to read to my girls when they were younger was, “If you give a mouse a cookie.” Thanks to semi-annual Scholastic Book Fairs, grandparents with extra cash, and book hoarding daughters, the collection quickly grew to include all of the books in this series.

To be honest, I am fairly certain that I enjoyed this circular tale more than my children did. It tells the story of what happens when you give a mouse a cookie. He will then need milk. He will need a straw. He will need a mirror to keep the milk mustache away. You see where this is going. It offered hours and hours of giggles. It was a far fetched tale but oh so entertaining.

This is the only analogy that I can use to compare my love for margaritas and my personal choice to limit my intake of them.

If you give a girl a margarita, she cannot drink just one. They are an economical choice when they marketed as two for one. Why would I order a margarita and not drink its mate that is actually free? Two by two…Just like the animals who entered the ark in pairs, they belong together.

If you give a girl a margarita, she will not want the second one to go to waste. Dave Ramsey would be so disappointed if she was wasteful. His envelope system clearly covers all of the categories where a margarita could be included. Restaurants. Personal. Entertainment. Gifts. Yes, margaritas are a gift.

He totally wants us to enjoy that second margarita.

If you give a girl a margarita it will cause her to lose her dietary inhibitions. The chips and salsa become calorie-fee and there is always an endless supply. When the margaritas kick in and start doing what too many margaritas do…Multitudes of calories are consumed and they are typically shaped like tacos and tamales.

If you give a girl three margaritas it may as well be four. Two by two, see above. They should be consumed in pairs. Unless you are consuming the twenty-dollar margaritas at a popular place in Shreveport…then it’s only one and not purchased in pairs or fours.

If you give a girl four margaritas then surely she will lose her ability to make good decisions and will need a ride home. The drinks will also cause a girl to get louder and possibly annoying to those around her.These four drinks on a Saturday night will make the face puffy and the crows feet deep. So, you might as well skip Sunday morning worship all together.

You can see how my single and innocent margarita can quickly turn into a whole weekend of bad decisions and skipping time with the Lord. Am I blaming alcohol? No, I am blaming my weakness and not knowing when to stop. I really truly believe in my own soul that God does not frown upon the consumption and moderation of alcohol.

I just had problems with the moderation part.

This is where my Catholic, Non-denominational, and Baptist roots would all collide. Having a diverse spiritual background does cause you a certain amount of angst and can create the perfect cocktail of guilt for many different reasons. Do I drink or not drink? Do I eat meat on Fridays during Lenten Season or not?

All of the rules just seemed so burdensome, especially when there are so many to follow. I came to a point where I had to start fully trusting the words I was reading in the Bible for myself. Trying to be perfect and holy is a full-time job with no overtime pay.

Since my commitment to have a better relationship with Christ, it was not a tough decision to make to greatly reduce the amount of lime juice, Tequila and Triple Sec that was allowed in my diet. I was consuming the massive amounts for all of the wrong reasons. I used it as a way to forget my troubles and enjoy the moment. I did not want to think about what tomorrow held.

The more I fall in love with our maker, I know that he holds our tomorrow, he orders our steps and he equips us with every single thing we need to make it through the day.

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your path straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

5 thoughts on “If You Give a Girl a Margarita

  1. I love your raw and honest thoughts in all your writings. As you said , you never know when it may help just one person. Keep on sharing !
    I have loved them all. You are the best my friend!! 💗

  2. Girl!!! Are you literally in my head???? Growing up a PK KID being raised Protestant and Southern Baptist…. we never had alcohol in the home. And my precious father never had a drink ,that I know of… during his fatherhood days. He taught us alcohol was to be done in “Moderation “ as many of the freedoms God allows us to will. But the reality he said, we’re horrible “Moderaters”. So that along with what he saw it do to his brothers proved our genes struggle with alcoholism. My sweet Mom would tease about sipping wine… once after a Natchitoches wedding w my dad not there, she said she was going to have a glass at the reception. On the sidewalk to the home, her shoe slipped and we laughed so hard… she said,”Well if that ain’t a sign… just thinking about it is making me stumble… ok, Lord, I’ll refrain…” Truly I think she was testing my exceptance, I was in college (she knew my extracurricular potential). Even my most unharmed outings, there was still a “funk” in why I partook…. so I’ve seldom seen I positive influence in anything. And like you said, if it’s just adding calories…. seriously why do it🤷🏼‍♀️ Moderation is my stance🙏 Not a fan of it in the home. And I’m still praying for God to lead my steps with this. I surely don’t need any else with enlarging “crows feet”. I’ve also learned my love of dancing transcends needing liquid courage…. Love you my sweet SOUL SISTER and the next rounds on me… chips and salsa😘

  3. MANY of the “denominational” rules aren’t sanctioned by Jesus! Use your Bible, use your heart and use your head. Love this!

  4. Thank you for this wonderful article expressing choices we face and the consequences they may bring. How seemingly simple choices are not always o simple. The “Blessed” pieces always touch my heart.

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