Ponderings with Doug – October 5, 2018

DougFUMC

I felt like non-sense when I woke up this morning, so I’ll share what is on my mind.

Korologos’s Kollection of 95% odds.
The odds are 95% that when you press the hold button on an elevator for one more passenger she will press a button for a floor below yours.

The odds immediately go to 100% when you are in a hurry, at which time he will always hit a button on the floor below yours by mistake before punching the correct floor—which is also below yours.

The odds are 95% that every time you go into an underpass the radio announcer will immediately start staying something you want to hear. The odds immediately go to 100% when it is a newscast affecting you, a friend, or your business.

The odds are 95% that when your plane pulls into a gate at the airport the gate will be the farthest possible one from the terminal. The odds immediately go to 100% if there are no other planes at any other gate. The reverse also is true; the odds are 95% that your boarding gate is that last gate in the terminal. The odds immediately go to 100% if you are lugging large carry-ons.
Roeper’s Rules of the Universe.

All men look like geeks for seventy-two hours after a haircut.

You will never get the hiccups when you are alone. You will get the hiccups in the middle of your bar exam, at a funeral, or on a first visit to your future in-law’s house.

If you think your pants have a split, they do.

The question you will be asked most often in your life is “Do you want fries with that?”

Stine’s Laws and Rules.

Communication. Communication is 90% reception.

Bedtime Stories. You cannot underestimate a child’s capacity for repetition. You cannot underestimate a child’s capacity for repetition.

Mumblers. If somebody mumbles something, and you ask them to repeat it, you will understand it all, except for the part you didn’t get the first time.

Troubleshooting. Just because you’ve fixed a problem doesn’t mean you’ve fixed the problem.

Dr. Quoy’s Laws of Fishing.

The biggest fish always hits the smallest rod.

If two lines can get tangled, they will.

Whatever bait you’re using, the fish are hitting something else.

As the hook is bent, so goes the fish.

Now that you have the non-sense out of the way, go and be productive for the rest of the day.